Melanin Levels and “Tanning with Twilight”
OPEN YOUR HEART WHEN YOU OPEN YOUR EYES!
I love when I type something heartfelt for someone and they disregard it because it’s not in their preferred format. The advanced forms of communication were supposed to be avenues to allow us to become closer to one another not roadblocks to hinder how we should state what we have to say. It’s incredible, I’m going to give you a chance to read it. If you want it another way, you’re not going to get to read it. Too bad. Transcribe it onto an E-mail or a text yourself. I have one voice. One mind. If I am speaking, and I want to tell you, you can listen or you can miss out on something that could sincerely be life altering. Do not think that I’m going to go and use different “channels” of communication. We are not secret agents. Take it or leave it. With the attitude most present, leave it. It’s just wasted hope.
Shopping Online on Amazon.com? Consider this. :)
Here are a few links to various deals on Amazon. Cellular phone deals, mp3s cheaper than itunes, instant download videos, “deal of the day” and more. I arranged the links in several different ways so that you can go from the “deal of the day” to a click through and even a search bar to find what you would want. While I’m at it, just so you’re not embarrassed about what you get on Amazon, A) there’s no way I can tell what you’re getting and B) this You Tube clip here has the TOP ten alleged oddest things for sale on amazon which does, in fact include jars of urine. So, I don’t think anyone is going to beat that.
Deals of the day:
My MP3 top selections currently:
Cellulars with free shipping:
Search Amazon:
Amazon MP3s (yes it EVEN downloads to your beloved IPOD):
Direct Click Through:
purge
Hi. Every day life is precious. I feel this with every breath that exists my frame. I laugh, and I tense up slightly nervously, my pupils widen to glimpse and shudder in attempts to take it all in. I attract a quick sparkle in my eyes as something flighty comes to mind and confidence exhumes in and out of me as if this is a natural way of being, and then I resume to the weight of the world, for a moment as my eyes shift to the side and survey. I am alive. This is far superior to the alternative. I appear a slight paradox of confidence and tension and apprehension at the same time. I will shift between anxiety and absolute control with the easy and disgust I never wanted. I enjoy life, yet I bask in the disorganization that is the unorganized chaos. The “send all you can at me” with a smile. I’ll see if I can keep that smile going, God willing I can.
I am not always cocky, I just was born with a good head on my shoulders. I am well aware I have been tossed aside, misused, and whatever else you’d like to throw on me to state the overstated that things have been interesting. I’ve made some big mistakes, they’re words. Big mistakes, that’s why they exist. You live, you learn, you create new pathways that don’t lead you that way. Otherwise you continue the same way. Albeit quirky, absolutely taking the road less traveled and for what it’s worth taking a beating and also very, very blessed and fortunate. I have been able to have my cracked wings grabbed at a second before falling flat on my face, I have seen my life flash before my eyes and have had one of the few I considered spending my entire life with buried a year ago. Surely, it devastated those related to her, and NO WORDS will ever fix this, yet I clumsily tried to show how much I was bleeding on the inside. I still am. It effects me daily. I think about how fleeting life is and embrace it. I enjoy the strange, and find it so odd that it comes so off, at times, and others so smoothly. It’s borderline upsetting that taking it all in can be overwhelming as I love those moments. They are just so absolutely and concretely sensory overloading that processing it and living in the moment is overwhelming. Living life makes me bursting, like a silly baby who’s just looking around and bobbing his head and wants to smile at everything. Everything is NOT my friend. I know wishing never made it so. I really want for a perfect world at times and embrace things like a child, and then fall forward to know that no matter how much I do, I can only truly control me. I can show others with my outlook who I am, and that it’s completely okay. Even if I bled and hurt in the past, I am okay now. Less wear and tear. We are all okay. We live another day, it’s what it is. This is another quirky, odd, strange, day, you can embrace it, or throw it away. I have to TRY, that is all I can do, every day I don’t try I will cease to be myself, every day I try I will not be a failure. Even baby steps, it’s all about momentum and impact until you can no longer do so. I embrace it, for what it’s worth.
Suspend Disbelief
Cynical citizens. Nothing is real. Nothing is tangible. Everything must be relevant to one another. Everything is virtual. Everything is digital. STOP!
Suspend disbelief for a moment. Believe in the world truly connecting at a point where we are more than analog, more than digital and more then the information “superhighway” which while it is great from aarpernet on, just stunning, it’s abused insanely irresponsibly. Now, here comes the part where I’ve been off Facebook and now Facebook uses all your information tallied up into a search engine and allows anyone to search it by category of area likes and whatever, Facebook is scrambling and stating that they will respect user data, but, will anyone in the long run, logistically? I have found plenty on archive.org and I know textfiles.org is archiving everything from 4chan to g+ and waiting to put it up. Those privacy settings we agreed to on Facebook where they said “No, no, go on what’s yours is yours (ours)” and people tried to post legal objections or worse memes to it “THIS DECLARATION OF MY SUCCESSION FROM THE TERMS OF USAGE OF THE SITE I AM USING, MEANS THAT IN MY OWN MIND I AM MAKING MY OWN RULES FOR MYSELF AND THIS MAKES IT OK IN MY MIND… FOR ME” which meant NOTHING. It was as silly as “forward this and you’ll help someone, there’s a secret tracker you can’t see” emails back when people were on AOL and like, “Well, ok I really don’t know how E-mails work and I’d sure feel guilty if I didn’t forward it to 40 freaking people!”. I have advocated strong caution on the internet for some time now in the public realm. Others have another attitude, it’s somewhat their life, if they can explain away that time in their life to whomever, cool. Me, the less I have to explain with the obvious exception of it was a joke or I can stand behind it, good. Facebook goes down, like myspace it’s databanks are going down with it. It already owns rights to our photographs via instagram, that are geotagged to where we were at what second on what co-ordinates of the earth and much of that if your information is wide open is already getting cached and logged eternally somewhere, that time you took a picture of a pregnancy test and sent it to someone with a text “I’m pregnant” and what co-ordinates you both are at is now going to someday be in the library of congress. Hooray. We are sheep who are told “No, no, it’s fine we don’t mean what we say… we just had our lawyers type that up and released it to all of you for NO reason whatsoever.” “No, your instagram pictures and information are all still yours”. No matter what you legally agreed to”. Really? Because, you and I both said that all our archived stuff for a LONG FREAKING TIME whether we delete it or not, is theirs. That stupid thing you put 2 years ago mad, archived, theirs, those instagram pictures of you and your ex, theirs. Now, once Facebook stutters, as it will, and I know that upsets people when I say that but, STOP IT, go outside, live your life. Please. You know, people used to get upset when I said AOL would go away. “No way, man”. “Time Warner owns them.” Yeah, that was a fantastic debacle. Then I dared proclaim that myspace wouldn’t last forever and I couldn’t understand Murdoch purchasing it. People got pissy. I don’t have any mistaken loyalty to any of these sites. I don’t get a piece of the action! In fact, Facebook has already started doing something incredibly covert by making everyone’s profiles public, a few months ago without much notice, and then adding a search engine for all public data, now, you can change your privacy settings and you’re good for now, but I have friends that have passed, and that is mildly upsetting to me, I know I need thicker skin at times, but, still. How many people didn’t catch on to what they did? Plenty I’m sure. Then you wind up with this while funny, it’s scarily accurate. http://actualfacebookgraphsearches.tumblr.com/
http://youtu.be/WcPhMqLPuvQ is good too 1984, yet pretty close to happening. Tom Scott is a guy I’d hang out with and not just cause I like his Hair.
The sad part is applications were stealing data and images from Facebook for a while now. In it’s premature days there were quite a few that went unbanned and got quite a bit of personal information. You can find your profile rebroadcast, echoed through sites like profile engine and other data mining sites, then there’s rouge sites which sell you information or misuse it, and of course Facebook itself which, people now say “delete it” well, no, not exactly, it’s a start, but, you ARE the product. There’s no chance you’re not going to be backed up somewhere and sold off down the line. It’s already getting bad, and they’re getting desperate, saying one thing doing another. How much more do we take? We’re already knee deep in it, that was fun for me. haha. You do what you like.
Eh.. Everyone do what you like, you will anyway. I just look at it all with my head cocked in disbelief like a silly confused puppy. I don’t get it. Doesn’t mean you’re wrong. I just can not get it. It’s me. I’m sorry. I’ve seen a lot of things. I’ve learned to have distaste for “I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t seen it.” Ya know, maybe, it’s ok to just trust some people. Make an educated guess about what is going on. I mean, I have seen some of the absolute craziest stuff and I have proof and people who will back me up on it. Then I think, really, I have to prove this? Wow, that completely makes me invalid until I have paperwork. I have little reason to lie about some things. Very little to none. There’s no percentage in cranking out falsehoods until my heart stops, yeah, life isn’t always easy but there is always beauty. Even if I am alone suspending disbelief, so be it. I have my thoughts, and there’s even beautiful thoughts others have helped me arrive at who have forgotten those ways. I may grow, I may stumble I may find myself in a world I never expected and that’s okay. You don’t have to believe me. I just have to continually suspend disbelief.
Sacrifice
The sacrifice some make is so perfect that it leaves me breathless and ashamed all at once. For all the nonsense that you get caught up in, and then, you see something like this that just strips all of that from you. It’s like, look at all we have, and we cannot be as good to each other or our children as these people? These people who are merely trying to get out of a battlefield. Everything seems to make me disgusted. For a multitude of reasons. I have my priorities, and then it was always something idiotic not really on anyone’s part just in life, perhaps I tried to much and should have taken it easier, I had just always never wanted to be set back, but, the more I read the more I note, hey, I pushed too fast too soon. Then when it wasn’t you’d have to go figure, it’s a shame, but, nobody is perfect. That’s life. You live and learn. You can surely put some strange spins on what was done, but, no. I would not have voluntarily okay-ed trying something about a year before the media broke all the stories on the symptoms of PCS, something that just made me miserable and confused, and I stuck it out for it to help, for him. 
This all fades away when you someone in a WAR TORN area just doing all they can just to get that child out, nobody in between them getting mixed messages mixed up. All they are concerned with is that immediately, they save him. It makes me feel like less of a person for all I am trying to do, which is quite a bit. They have next to nothing to start from and hell surrounding them, and I thought I would fix myself before my child’s birth or attempt to, but they are fixing their entire surroundings with no idea what comes next. It completely sets me back as a member of the human race.
Nerd Chic?
I am sort of lost on the major studios backing of major budget inaccurate portrayals of technological “giants”. After catching a glimpse of Kutcher in the latest to be released “jOBS” (iPHONE, iPAD) it hit me that I had been curious what all the fuss was about with “The Social Network”. Looking back on it as a “Fool me once.” type thing, as it wasn’t as accurate as you’d like, and this being possibly less accurate and posthumously portrayed, I just can’t push myself to see it. For what it’s worth Apple has already called it inaccurate, and whether that is because it would damaging to their brand or because it just is, or a combination of the two, I don’t see it worth spending money on. If it is on television, I would possibly watch it out of boredom or curiosity, but, other than that, I really don’t care. I never really thought Jobs was this guy who created everything Apple made, just like Bill Gates didn’t make everything MS did. That’s just a silly idea, even if they have to sign off on it. I really feel like people are way too invested in apple or facebook. That they forget they’re just companies, that they aren’t part of. That then allows third parties to swoop in and completely make unauthorized money off them. I used to see it all the time with things with feeling, with recording artists. Now that everyone ste… or shares music, it’s whatever, and unauthorized musician biographies and whatnot is either on television or online, not really sold without advertising. So, anyhow, I think Bill Burr said things best when he appeared on Conan and talked about how he thought the Jobs hype for what it was is overrated. You have to agree, chalking up the man, to that is kind of lame.
no new words today.
sorry i have no new words today. people can’t let me have my words.
Eels Peach Blossom from Wonderful, Glorious
I cannot get this tune out of my head. It’s a buzzy, fuzzy, poppy, catchy whimsically quirky song with all the bells and whistles we’d expect from Mark Oliver Everett. The two tracks I heard off of it are in contrast to “End Times” but I’m somewhat surprised by the confusion among fans. It’s not as if “E” was formally announcing his retirement. He may be quirky, and reclusive at times, but, he has a gift and after reading his book where he bears his soul you can tell it was life that caused him to be an introvert, the tragedies he experienced were easier expressed through his art. That was his outlet and his passion. He was doing it for nobody and I believe he’d continue to do it if all his fans turned their backs on a direction he wanted to pursue. His discs come off somewhat as concept albums, but, they aren’t necessarily intended to be that way always, he has explained in his book he often sings about very cryptic, personal things, and it’s nice to see him attempting to step outward again. He’s been through plenty, and it understandably got him down. But, this is nice. Very nice.
Girls VS Women
So I had this thought today.
We’re nearly all taught at a young age the 1820s English nursery rhyme about how little girls are made of:
“Sugar and spice
And everything nice,
That’s what little girls are made of.”
but then when they reach womanhood I notice that their minds turn from something you’d read in a English nursery rhyme to something out a Labyrinth in Greek mythology.
